The Inaugural Post...

General Malaise was angry and sad tonight.  For a variety of reasons too boring to go into here.  Suffice it to say I decided to do something productive about this anger and sadness, so I got on the treadmill to work things out.  Not that I exercised.  Rather, I just sat on the treadmill and ate two McRib sandwiches.  You might be asking yourselves, "Aren't McRib sandwiches out of season?  And if so, where did General Malaise get two of them?"  Let's just say General Malaise, through respect for his vast military accomplishments and for his daily drive-thru patronage, has many favors owed him by local McDonald's manager Gilberto Gonzalez and leave the rest to be determined by my biographer. 

I would like to officially welcome you to the High & Gruesome blog.  I probably should have written that first.  But then again, this blog seeks to explore all things out of sync with "real life", so perhaps the belated greeting is appropriately placed.  I have no idea what this blog will transform into ultimately, but I can say with some assurance that it will do its best to avoid relying on the witticisms of Mr. T too much.  There will be a concerted effort to use poo-poo naughty language a lot, because poo-poo naughty language tends to make the fearful simple people (FSP's) angry.  I try to go out of my way to be kind to FSP's, but sometimes it's really hard not to want to hurt them, and hurt them badly (mostly for how their votes cancel out mine in the general election; and before you say it, 'general election' is not a colleague of mine).  I also personally promise to be as sexually explicit and tasteless as possible when the need arises.  For example, Wikipedia defines the "Rusty Trombone" as follows:  

"Rusty Trombone is a euphemism for a sexual act in which a man stands with his knees and back slightly bent, with feet at least shoulder width apart in order to expose the anus [1].  The other partner typically is on his or her knees behind the man and performs analingus while reaching up beneath the testicles or around the body to masturbate the man, mimicking the motions of a trombone player [1][2].  The act is defined primarily by the physical orientation of the partners and the combination of analingus with manual penile stimulation; however, other positions and variations are possible [2]."  

General Malaise finds this fascinating.  Wikipedia goes on to say:  

"There are numerous health risks involved in coming into oral contact with a person's anus.  There is a risk of infection from coming in direct contact with human feces.  Consuming feces increases the risk of infection.  The health risks include such diseases as infectious hepatitis and parasitic intestinal infections [citation needed]."

One of the best things about this health warning is that it seemingly does not have any downsides for diabetics.  General Malaise has been afflicted with diabetes for most of his life, and virtually everything is a pitfall for those with a dysfunctional pancreas.  Glad to see that a Rusty Trombone didn't make the list and I can now have someone practice good ambesure on my asshole without fear of my blood sugar rising!  It could be the breakthrough of the century!

In short, I am less angry and sad now after kicking off the inaugural post.  I have no idea what my associate Milo Deceiving might be doing with his half of the blog, but like all great knee-jerk reactionaries, he has something to work off of now.  Welcome readers to the High & Gruesome family.  I salute you.

Best,

General Malaise