by Milo Deceiving
We've all seen the Dos Equis commercial spots featuring The Most Interesting Man In the World. I now give to you in random order, The Most Interesting Men In My Life.
SPOT #1
He's a spa enthusiast and one of the original pioneers of online dating. He's a highly paid screenwriter who's never been to New York, but owns every Jillian Michaels workout DVD ever produced. The last time he was in Las Vegas he saw a Bette Midler concert with his mother. And cried. He's so generous, he invested 30 thousand dollars into the failed career of white rapper Nerdy G. He owns three refrigerators and takes more insulin by 10pm than most men take in a lifetime. He once spent 300 dollars on a hotel room but didn't spend the night because his son refused to take a shit. He is . . . The Most Interesting Man In Sherman Oaks. "I don't always drink diet soda, actually yes I do, a large Diet Coke every morning from McDonald's."
SPOT #2
He wears a form fitting gray t-shirt like none before him. His work has been featured on numerous infomercials. He pirates and watches movies on a cutting edge PS3 Blue Ray drive. He owns not one, but two Stormtrooper helmets. He drinks so much water some believe he has three kidneys. He once got drunk on a thimble full of beer and danced for nine straight hours. He was the first to consolidate his big tit porn collection from two 500 gig drives to 1 terabyte drive. He is . . . The Most Interesting Man In Studio City. "I don't always drink water, actually yes I do. Most recently out of a canteen."
SPOT #3
He's the son of a notorious moonshine runner. He looks incredible in a leopard skin Speedo. He's Caucasian, but more than one woman has fallen prey to the giant black snake in his bedroom. He once sent a million frame animation to render and it didn't crash his render farm. He can name every hair metal band of the 1980's. WASP is his favorite. He doesn't bother to kill the chicken before deep-frying it. He is . . . The Most Interesting Man In North Hollywood. "I don't always drink cocktails, but when I do, I prefer Beam and Coke."
SPOT #4
His refusal to wear deodorant is legendary. He's conquered the rough terrain of India on a motorcycle. He's done more drugs than Lou Reed and William Burroughs combined. The tattoo on his back is a map of his erogenous zones. All 90 of them. He's spent more years in the porn industry than John Holmes lived. He is . . . The Most Interesting Man In Los Angeles. "I don't always drink cocktails, but when I do, I prefer a Tom Collins."
SPOT #5
A single drop of butter can kill him, yet he eats Mexican food on a regular basis. He's a master of aeronautics and can name any plane within earshot. He's single-handedly nursed over 3,000 foster kittens into healthy adult cats. Tom Jones is jealous of his baritone karaoke voice. He holds the world record for chronic lateness, not arriving on time to any event for over 36 years. He is . . . The Most Interesting Man In Eagle Rock. "I don't always drink green tea, but when I do, I prefer Diet Lipton with Natural Citrus Flavors."
SPOT #6
He owns more fedoras than the entire Brat Pack combined. He's slain more women than Genghis Khan. Sex with him makes you blind for three hours. He'll show you the Ace of Spades when you were absolutely positive you were picking the Ace of Hearts. The shark tattoo on his arm killed an actual shark. He associates with Mediums who can talk to the dead. If you have difficulty believing that, just watch the Lifetime Channel. He is . . . The Second Most Interesting Man In Silver Lake. "I don't always drink cocktails, but when I do, I prefer Jameson and water."
10 comments:
This is such bullshit.
He goes through wives like he goes through toilet paper. He directs movies with complete disregard for the box office haul. His personal record for not bathing as an adult exceeds two calendar pages. Romance is his second language; his cock, the second coming. He would be considered God's gift to women, except he is an atheist, so he is just a gift. He sublets a room to his ego and lives off the profit. His favorite dessert is prison carrot cake. He is the most interesting man in Silver Lake. "I don't always drink blended tourist drinks, but when I do, I prefer them as gay as possible."
This dog-loving, sushi connoisseur has more lists than a leaky ship. He's bedded every harlot, whore and porn actress in the Ukraine. And by "bedded', we mean just a two-fisted handjob and a good cry. He is the most interesting man in or near Koreatown. "I don't always drink Galco soda, but when I do, I prefer to write extensively about it."
His first feature was heavily inspired by Evil Dead. He gave his ex-wife half his income, all the furniture, the luxury car, and six years of marriage - he only kept a giant pencil. He lays claim to the biggest home bar on the east side, yet doesn't have any mixers or ice. He is a self appointed punk rock connoisseur, but most of his albums are Rick Astley greatest hits LP's. He earns six figures and lives next door to a gay mens stand up sex club. He is the most interesting man in the neighborhood next to Silver Lake that has no official neighborhood title other than "by those taco stands". "I don't always drink blended tourist drinks, but when I do, I prefer them as gay as possible."
Well done, gentlemen! Milo is very proud.
Pletid cume am mein
Fullom am deser todo
Moi waunt tu cume a mein
A moi, eh so mote es be
Finally, somebody figured out how to use the free language translator. Nice work, AS.
Gay men have sex standing up?
Evidently they do. Although I haven't yet been in to verify. Milo, do you have any hard details?
Come for the lasagna, stay for the water sports.
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